You might be a 'Massage Therapist' if...

1. You go to the supermarket to buy a gallon of oil (And not for cooking)
2. When someone passes gas you actually say it’s the highest compliment
3. Instead of saying ‘Who’s your daddy’; you say ‘Who’s your fascia’!
4. You change the wording of the commercial: ‘Can you hear me now’ with ‘Can you feel me now’!
5. Instead of saying: ‘Open a can of Whoop Ass’; you say ‘Open up a can of Whoop elbow’!
6. When someone says ‘Tensor Fasciae Latae’ and you giggle.
7. Someone says the word ‘Penis’ and you don’t laugh (Because you actually use medical terms now).
8. You don’t wear hardly any jewelry, because you have to take it off when you massage.
9. You carry around a bottle of purell on your key chain.
10. You actually ask for medical books for your birthday.
11. You buy play dough to put muscles on a skeleton
12. You don’t look at how beautiful someone is anymore; you only look at their posture.
13. When someone in the mall says they are in pain; you give them your business card.
14. Everyone wants a massage at your family reunions.
15. You always look for someone to barter services with (Carpenter, Plumber, ect…)
16. You can’t remember the last time you paid for a massage.
17. You have three things in your pocket: Keys, Purell and nail clippers.
18. You correct strangers in public to correct their posture.
19. Your collection of CD’s include: Yanni, Enya and all nature sounds.
20. You smell like a floral company after work.
21. You always close your nose when you get close to some ones feet.
22. You have your 3 year old daughter saying muscle names.
23. You can never just give some a hug without massaging them during it.
24. All of your friends want a free massage from you, but they won’t give anything in return.
25. You won’t tell anyone when you are at the bar that you are a massage therapist.
26. All your family members call you a Masseuse.
27. You use the excuse that your are a massage therapist when it comes to heavy labor.
28. You know you're a Massage Therapist when you call 20 - 30 hours a week ‘full-time.’
29. When you see a guy carrying a big billfold in his back pocket and you want to tell him not to sit on it, because it can mimic sciatic pain.
30. You cringe and at the same time feel relief when someone mentions the psoas muscle.
31. You have massage magazines in your bathroom.
32. It is cool to bite your nails.
33. Everyone you know tells you about this knot they have.
34. Your hands smell like feet every hour on the hour.
35. You can fold sheets (even fitted ones) better than Martha Stewart.
36. You keep mixing up the bicep femoris and the rectus femoris.
37. You get angry when you go to a movie and the massage therapist is either considered a prostitute or ditsy.
    
38. When someone complains that they have a problem in their rotator cuff; you then ask them what muscle is it.
39. You know that there are actually 4 muscles in the quad.
40. You actually ask someone if they are constipated.
41. The muscle names actually mean what they are and where they are in the body.
42. You can't relax when you receive a massage, because you are visualizing what techniques they are performing and what muscle they are massaging.
43. You actually own finger cots and rubber gloves.
44. You actually clean under your nails and you wash your hands all the way up to your elbow.
45. You make A & P jokes.
46. You actually brush your teeth at least 3 times a day.
47. At a restaurant you ask them to hold the onions.
48. You actually ask someone if they have cloudy or bad smelling urine.
49. Snoring, drooling and farting are all high compliments.
50. You just can't walk by a massage therapist giving a chair massage without saying something.
    
51. You know never to go from the feet to the face with a technique.
52. You actually clean your feet before you receive a massage.
53. When you are massaging around the inguinal area and you are concerned about not
    touching something; then you use the term PC (Penis conscious).
54. You realize that every kinesiology book is a little different.
55. You realize that change as a tip is degrading.
56. You are conscious about how you breathe.
57. For Women: You have short nails, you don't cross your legs anymore, you wear little to no make-up and you don't wear perfume anymore.
58. We are not all earthy.
59. Ask ten massage therapists a question and you will get ten different answers.
60. Your 'significant other' whines about not receiving massages.
61. Everyone thinks your 'significant other' receives massages all the time from you.
62. You start thinking of everybody as just a lump of knots.
63. Every time you injure yourself, you try and think what muscles were injured.
64. You love it when someone gets a muscle injury, because you see money signs all over.
65. You still can't pronounce the muscle names right (Is there really a right way for every muscle?).
66. 'SOB' actually stands for Shortness of Breath.
67. Most headaches are not from your head.
68. You correct your friends when they use inappropriate medical terms.
69. When you realize that we will always be the low person on the totem pole in the medical field.
70. When an employer offers you commission, then that actually means you still have to pays taxes on that.
71. When someone says the word energy, you don't think of an outlet.
72. An aura is not just a sensation before a migraine anymore.
73. When someone says ‘Tensor Fasciae Latae’ and you know it's not a coffee drink.
74. When someone says you are a pain in the butt or pain in the neck, you actually think of the muscles.
75. You know that Reflexology will treat your Soul/Sole.
76. You know that Reflexology will help heal/heel you.
77. You think of massage as non-sexual.
78. Biceps actually mean that their are two origins.
79. You know the largest and smallest muscles in the body.
80. You think massage tools are for wimps.
81. The day after thanksgiving sale you actually go to the linen area first.
82. People will tell there whole life history in an hour.
83. You actually will go rock picking.
84. CO-Ops are your supermarkets.
85. Your share aromatherapy secrets with your friends.
86. You point out moles and bruises to friends and relatives.
87. You know that a 'Sprain' is ligament damage and a 'Strain' is either muscle or tendon damage
88. You actually own hypnosis tapes and you are proud of it.
89. Enya and Yanni are great, until you have heard them 100's of times.
90. There are actual legal purposes of herbs.
91. You have more massage oil than cooking oil.
92. You keep oil in the refrigerator.
93. You actually use an heating pack or a ice pack.
94. You love to correct people on their posture.
95. You think that no one gives a better massage than you do.